Sunday, April 30, 2017

Wolves at My Door

More than one comes howling for blood
As I watch from my window
A pack that wishes to crush
Yet behind the weaker wolves,
a greater of the rest
He shines quite majestically
I wonder if he knows my plight
As the others bite and claw at me

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Outside of Sleeping and Haze

The lilacs of peace tie the curvaceous mouth of invitation in a frenzied dance of fire
a poignant sight of a million dreams that dance
Sky above that drains life from the stars that can't fall
In the maternal eye of pointed dreams
there is a putrid stain on the landscape of rigidity

Pouting and walking through the rain is the babe that wants dominion
it tied her hands and bound her to the insidious kiss which collides with her moan
Shoving her down and exploding her orgasmic twitch
A landscape corroded by the lions mouth consuming the gazelle
time is portrayed as a spiders fang with dandelion poison in her veins

The Strength of the Human Heart 2

Reprogramming. Death of the ego. Soul shock. The utter epiphany of realizing just how mortal you are in this facsimile of a reality. Perceptions destroyed. Rebirth through the chaotic pit that courses through your existence. The supposed, Dark Night of the Soul. The supposed life death. The ego death. Destruction. An onion layered black hole of emotions, mind, and spirit.

Not many people have gone through this type of experience. There are those that certainly try to bring about it's fruition (I have no idea why they would want to) through tripping, spiritual means, and even forcing themselves into a state that puts them on the brink. Those that have truly experienced this don't need an explanation from me. But those who haven't may be curious about how it manifested or the fierce thoughts, emotions, and experiences it creates.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Becky the Zombie


Becky couldn’t recall her name,
or her first kiss by the gymnasium doors

Or what love could be like
after so many mistakes

She was completely blank on her favorite color
or the bracelet she got from Johnny during prom

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

ENFP Journal: Shifting Sands

It was an interesting day, but I never miss the bigger picture.

I can see things from different angles constantly. Some people mistake that for me not wanting to take a standpoint on something when this is simply not the case. I have many standpoints. But these can shift like a wave if I’m presented something new to absorb and move around that anchor point to something more aligned with my internal compass. More often than not, I’m trying to understand you or your situation better. If someone has the patience to listen, they will eventually know how I feel about something or my opinion on it. Which can be based around experience that is deep rooted in my own worldview. What a person decides to do with that information afterwards is entirely up to them.

Living in the world of abstracts that I use to try and form a deeper thought of my surroundings and information I take in is an internal part of the tree that forms my thought process. I might be able to see things for the reality of what they are in their simplest form, but I’m always trying to figure out if there’s more to the question or the answer. Not that I can’t handle the simplistic, I definitely can and invite it. But it makes it difficult when one appears as a walking contradiction. It often leads to others wondering who I truly am yet knowing who I am at the same time. I’m constantly shifting, absorbing, experiencing. But there is something at the center of the exploration, in the center of the galaxy that shifts and forms in my mind; it just takes a bit of time to get to that point with me.

Some people can’t take that kind of thinking or it makes me appear outwardly as though I’m scattered in my patterns. Luckily this gives me the opportunity to see various viewpoints from various people. It's a pretty good thing. At times this can seem chaotic as I pick things up and explore them easily, learn quickly, or absorb it into me. There is usually a method to my madness but someone keeping up with me has always been an issue as I will shift my focus quickly. I'm working on that.

This doesn’t mean I have no morals, quite the contrary. It just means I’m always exploring the shifting sands inside my mind.

Monday, April 24, 2017

The Mountain

Hi everyone! This is an old poem from many years ago that emotionally resurfaced today from being inspired by someone truly unique. Enjoy.

The mountain I have built around my heart
has been scaled by many yet barely discovered by some

I dug deep at it’s craters, and built up the peaks to perfection
A sheen of polished rock in beautiful juxtaposition

A soothing heat rises from the boiling waters below
as lava seeps from the cracks deep within

Warning the few who have tried to climb its depths
and blocked out those that have tried to kick up its stones in violence

Deep within the heart of this mountain lies the giant guardian owl
It feasts on delicious portions of bountiful food by moonlight

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Half of Me


Again it melts into me
Every night the same sensation
My center burns
Heart alive and I hear these untold secrets
You are alive and I feel it deep
Unravel it like a puzzle

Friday, April 21, 2017

Deconstruction of a Star

Source: https://nssdc.gsfc.nasa.gov/image/astro/hst_lagoon_detail.jpg


I dream of unraveling galaxies and universes collapsing tenderly,
Waves of asteroids that collide in unity embracing
The beginning of time in the eye of birthing these memories,
Pushing through the corrosion and finding peace inside me
Accepted the challenge of adversity through love’s potency;
There is no better future than completion of self certainty
The planets speak your name to me and I know why
A familiar face and time that magics crept up inside me
Inside of you I see the days and years of unwavering need;
But such darkness corrupts love well meaning
Exploration of our dreams together as smiles and laughter;
My lover, my dreaming friend, yet always an illusion
I hope you shine on forever despite the crumbling
As the bursting stars leave me in their wake
I bled for you in love’s true embrace
Perhaps another time and another place,
Where we once knew the truth
And time never crept up between us,
Or the pain of the past never existed inside us
It will be so as I carry it to my rainy tomb
How I'd wish to hear it were true,
After all this time I know it's the game of a fool
As dusted as nebulae slipping through our fingers
Our love once was beautifully fragile,
   Yet so methodically doomed.

Wanton

Kiss me
Drive into me
Burn my need
Watch me
I watch you
Build and tumble with me

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Heart Sensations

I fall silent as these flames grow inside me

A crimson grin lures and destroys me

Binds me in delight and controls me with a wicked gaze

Delves into this darkness and collides with pleasured pain

Emotions dark and deliciously dirty

Teaches me, shows me

Consumes this blinded and bound sincerity

Soothes this craving of escape from reality

Works me and melts my heart in controls embrace

Quivering with a deep desire for Erebus

The imaginary Emperor of my desires

I feel this strange heat inside my heart

No explanation for each sensation

Only in dreams of exploration

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Survival and the ENFP

Source: https://abheysingh.wordpress.com/tag/smoke/

Survival is a fire that rages and sears through fear when a person is at their most vulnerable or being threatened. It can strengthen the heart and push people to do the most insane acts. I don’t normally like to write or talk about the subject of survival, as it’s my firm opinion one does not need to state its existence once it has come to fruition inside of you. A person, or survivor, simply knows what they can handle and what they can’t after experiencing the total sum of needing to be in that state. But it's been coming to my attention lately.

Monday, April 17, 2017

The Diary of the Hapless Hero: Day 1

Day 1

I don’t know why I’m even bothering with this journal writing business but my work assigned therapist suggested I find the time to write about my feelings due to stress. Well, you know what, Mr. Squeeze This Ball Until You Feel Better, I think I’ll write about my life instead. Probably a lot more interesting than my boring feelings anyway.

How do I start this? Oh, I know-

Dear diary,

It’s been one helluva day. I can’t even begin to describe the shitstorm I went through at work. First, Peggy the secretary that hails from purgatory itself, stared at me with those brown consistently vapid eyes. She acts as guardian to the big boss; which I haven’t actually seen for days. Her black horn rimmed glasses always perfectly reflect the white powdered doughnuts she eats every morning. It kind of illuminates her face like when people put a flashlight to their chin before they tell a crappy horror story over a campfire. Not that I’ve been camping in years, but still, I think it’s a good descriptor.

After she swarmed me with a vicious glare and complaints about how I was late again, I dropped down to my cubicle prison and groaned. I swear, if I look close enough there are probably invisible shackles on my seat attached to my ankles.

The familiar hum of the fluorescent light above me is always ready to remind me about my fate as a data entry chimp. I’ve named it Henry. We’re good pals. Henry likes to make sure I’m getting my fair share of buzzing daily.

So, while Henry and I were just chilling, I managed to find a few moments of peace with lame cat memes and the occasional bad joke on the internet. It all seemed to blur together as each minute droned until my eyes wanted to bleed out boredom onto the clean surface of my desk. After three hours of trying to keep myself awake and alert, (yeah I think I might have an iron deficiency or something) I spotted Lucy.

I decided to try and muster the courage to chat her up. Oh Lucy, damn she’s sweet. The prettiest woman with the girl next door demeanor that transferred from the main offices in Seattle. Yeah, I’ve been gushing on her for months. (Please don’t report me for some kind of sexual harassment case, okay Mr. Therapist?)

Everyday I can smell the freshness of her long auburn wavy hair as we chat in the break room. Even now, after what happened, I still want to wake up to that apple fresh scent and hazel eyes that beckon me with honest sincerity. Such a cute nose too. Button nose. I noticed her eyeing me a few times the past two days and figured I’d finally ask her out on a date. Oh man, if only I had a clue about what was going to happen next.

At first I was slightly embarrassed but managed to gather the courage to approach her as she bent down over the water cooler. Damn, she really has a nice waistline and wide hips and a nice round... I wonder what I could do to her in the dark with just the two of us. Or maybe two of her and one of me? Anyway, this is a diary right? Wouldn’t want to piss of Mr. Company Time by writing some kind of saucy erotic novel.

So this is where it gets kind of weird.

She was fiddling with the water cooler and I had a hard time making out if she was going to exchange the bottle or topple it over for the heck of it. I figured it was defunct, it used to malfunction a lot last year but Jim the Janitor fixed it. That’s when I noticed her suspicious attitude as she put something behind her back.

“Wade? Oh, hi. Um, what’s up?”

“Hey, I was wondering if you might want to get a coffee with me tomorrow? I mean, that is if you’re done courting the water cooler?”

She pushed her hair behind her ears with her free hand and giggled so delicately. (I just remembered thinking about how cute she looked in her pants suit and tight blazer today. Reowr!)

“Coffee?Yeah, that sounds great.”

I didn’t expect her to agree so quickly but when the item she was holding dropped to the ground my glee turned to curiosity. It was a shiny metallic syringe with a strange fluorescent blue liquid pulsing inside of it.

“What the heck is that?” I bent down to pick it up but she intercepted and moved in close to me.  If only it had been for a long kiss. Nevermind. Forget that.

“Don’t you dare say a word.” She whispered at me as her lovely hazel eyes cruelly met with mine.

Yep, that’s when the syringe slid into my chest. That’s when I fell to the ground and woke up here in this hospital room. The doctors claimed that I fainted from work related stress. Stress? I couldn’t be stressed at that job if I tried! I’m bored out of my mind.

No one was around to greet me so I called my cousin Larry and asked him to pick me up as soon as he found the time. Problem is, I’m starting to see things and these headaches seem to be getting worse by the second. My head feels like it’s expanding. I’m pretty sure I just saw something crawling on the walls that no one else noticed. Some kind of thin crab like spider thing. Not even the nurse that just gave me some nasty orange jello could see it.



Gross, that was just disgusting. Don’t eat hospital jello. It tastes like old feet.

Not that I’ve licked old people’s feet before. I wonder if Lucy and I are still on for coffee...

Day 2

Sunday, April 16, 2017

The Strength of the Human Heart


“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” - Epicurus



People have the capacity to do great and horrific things to one another. It’s portrayed in our world on a daily basis. Watching injustice as people are violently killed or tortured, truth being squashed as if New Speak is our goal, freedom of speech turning into some kind of abomination, and the atrocities of fighting over resources are just a number of things that lead to feelings of hopelessness for our planet and humanity.

I’ve certainly been there more than once. Sometimes to a point where a friend might have to get me out of my rut. But getting up again and paying forward that kindness towards others can somewhat help that balance to be restored internally. (Or you could always try to read something good or funny once a day. Bad puns all around!)

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Jamie and the Labyrinth


I remember her. Her brown affixed oval eyes and fluttering lashes that obscured as she flashed a lambent smile which welcomed me every weekend. Ivory cream skin that pushed out the contour of her practical neckline tresses. The crooning of David Bowie, The Goblin King, as he bellowed out Magic Dance on her television. It was her Saturday ritual that I was dragged into. I often wondered how the VHS tape hadn’t unraveled or became warped from such abuse. I didn’t mind the repetition as a child, we’d be laughing and throwing pillows at one another eventually. I knew it kept us both from the cold of our painful realities.

Glide


In the dark of the night the truth breathes in silence
She meant every word she said but knows the truth,
Desire, love, connection; always falls to dust in illusion
Misunderstood fear and starry eyes caress old weaknesses.

Through the halls of understanding and with each word portrayed,
Only so much allowed inside the valley of confusion
Caressed the future inside thoughts and vision of change
Attempted to bind the eye of truth to a specter imagined.

Wisdom fails me when this invention walks through my mind,
Even if it was all a mirage, I dream of blissful pleasure
It plays with loving imagination and flushed pawing glide
The beast of my own creation in seduction


Friday, April 14, 2017

Rekindled


A shrouded incantation of delight
Fate and smile
In dreams of fire
Surrendered to the growing pains

Oh how I tried to paint life with the brush of my reality,
but the canvas was just never right
Just always out of reach
Too stubborn
Kaleidoscopic vision
Pain and pleasure melted on me
Love, joy and reverie sometimes escaped me

In loving destitution
Raven and wolf guide me
I ran and explored
Danced and dreamed
Still remain in peace
Watched as my soul was shaded in canopy

Once I forgot the sun could shine so bright
I just had to let it in
despite the suffering
And I watched it disassemble my reality
Through pain and shadow it rekindled me

Sunday, April 9, 2017

The Door to Compassion


Being able to feel things on a deep level has been both a blessing and a curse throughout my life. Ever since I was a small child I’ve been able to pick up on people's feelings, motives, and moods. It’s instinctual and simple to read when someone is hurting or hiding something deep rooted. Anyone that exhibits empathic traits and picks up on this so called ‘vibe’ knows what I’m talking about.

Tryst


But that’s just it my dear
That stain of hurt brings me to life
To freely experience every emotion
It governs excitement, care, and exultation
Hate me, hurt me, it doesn’t matter
There is nothing quite so fantastic
As someone that can crave you
Despite your fabrications
Did you think it would be so simple?
To tap into my heart?
Keep it up king of con-artistry
As I sadly imagine
What your current lover must feel
Never knowing she is part of your machinations

Thursday, April 6, 2017

The Heart of The Dark King


What is this feeling as the silence ignites me?
Coaxes me through it's darkness
Teaches me something I've never seen 
I feel it's pleasure despite the pain
The chaos invites me 
Binds me and challenges me
Pierces me delicately
This dark dream comes alive
Haunts me beautifully
Livens me
Why do I need this?
Who are you?
Freedom and control 
I'm upside down 
Is this the dark king that haunts my dreams?
What does this mean?
My heart feels so alive inside this dark divinity
Is it possible to be both loving 
And ignite my suppression
As it releases me through every emotion

Sunday, April 2, 2017

The Dusted Kingdom

It writhes in their dusty bones
A longing they feel for something new in every necropolis
A constant hunger is their curse and yet their blessing
Their food is knowledge and they wish for wisdom
The waters flood with an ancient blood and the stain of history
A kingdom is miles below and the walls are etched with the cries of every generation
To hear it all and know it all, the secrets beneath our feet
Join us among the remnants
There you will forever whisper, invoking the blackened queen
To suffer no more but to join them in an endless sleep