Hi folks and welcome to my personal blog of introspection, creativity, and exploration.

Here you'll find many creations of mine including: comics, short stories, poems, diaries, posts about life, and the occasional post on indie game development.

I'm striving to stay on the creative path to heal and grow.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Summoner

Like a demon summoned from the circle of lust, his secret name fell from her lips.

A guilty incantation that burns her emotion from a well placed whisper despite rejection.

He steps through her portal with intense hunger and burning vigor.

Sleek and striding, with a calm demeanor that hides his chaotic nature.

She knows her words can barely hold him as his clawed fingers beckon.

"Why have you called me little girl? You can't control me. Perhaps that is why you play with fire? Or is it something else you desire?"

"I've been casting this spell for aeons it seems. You're certainly not what I expected you'd be."

A wicked grin is thrown her way as he tries to break through ethereal chains.

"These can't hold me for long you know. You'll have to give in to me and your need."

She watched as he stared deep into her eyes; waiting for her to come a little bit closer.

She inched in with curiosity and a fever for completion. 

Something about him made her heart pour forward with anticipation.

"Can you love me like I love you? I still sometimes dream of you. Or is this temporary as they say?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and his thoughts collided.

"Don't be silly, my little one. I promise to love you. Now, let's pretend. Say my name again."

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Diary of the Hapless Hero: Day 4

© KDB

New to The Diary of the Hapless Hero? Start here.

Day 4

When I went to meet with Lucy, it wasn’t what I’d expected. The daydream I had about confronting her and getting answers quickly dissipated when I was met by two strange men in nicely tailored black suits next to a black SUV with fully tinted windows. They sat parked in front of the cafe and I laughed at the inconspicuous nature of it all.
I couldn’t avoid them as my direct pathing lead me straight into them. They seemed to know who I was and exactly what they wanted from me when I attempted to walk by. I tried to gauge who or what they were on approach. My first instinct was government suits but I couldn’t be sure as the SUV didn’t have a plate.
As soon as I noticed them gunning for me I tried to escape but they were faster. The larger one grabbed me and held my arms behind my back. The other one, who was quite thin, held a gun to my stomach as he pushed me towards the open door of the vehicle. I thought about fighting but there was no way I was about to lose my internal organs; at least not without some coffee first. I complied.
“Do you know a woman named Lucy Williamson?” The burly one that grabbed me asked as he sat down next to me and locked the doors. His breath smelled like he’d drank the cup of coffee I wanted.
“I might know a Lucy. Hard to say. Maybe.” I didn’t like it where it was going and I questioned the motive of my new friends.
The skinny one in the front who was aiming his gun at me turned to face me, “Show him the picture.”
A tablet PC was shoved in my face and I saw a black and white photo of Lucy in a leather jacket getting into a car.
“Never seen her before.” I really didn’t know why I was trying to protect her after what she did to me but I did it anyway.
“We know that she was your co-worker so don’t even try lying.”
He flipped through two more images. One of them was a photo of me talking to her as she got into her car. I remembered that day vividly. I had spilt water all over my pants by mistake, it kind of looked like I peed myself. Then another photo of me holding a door open for her at the entrance to the offices. As far as I could tell, they were mostly interested in my love life.
“Okay, so you’ve been taking pictures of me flirting with some chick. You the dating police? Hey, can I have a copy of those? You can send them to my phone.” I went to reach for my mobile phone in my pocket, hoping to distract them as I looked around the SUV. It was bare and there was nothing unique about it.
The burly one stared at me, I couldn’t read his expression behind his shades, “You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, do you?”
“Of course he doesn’t.”
“Tell us everything you know about Lucy Williamson.”
“Well, she looks like she might be a size twelve, maybe lower. A nice C-cup-”
“-Shut up already.”The skinny one expressed his impatience and reached into the back towards me. He grabbed me by the collar and pulled it down in a swift motion, revealing my neck to him and coffee breath. They looked at one another with a quiet concern when they spotted the growth on my neck.
“Shit. We’re too late.” He let go of my collar and turned his attention towards the ignition and the SUV came to life.
“Too late? What the fuck are you talking about? You know about this thing?” I asked frantically.
The burly one opened the door, stepped outside and grabbed me by my arm,“Get the fuck out.”
I fought back and pulled my arm free from his strong grip.
“If you know something about this thing on my neck, tell me! What do you know about Lucy? Who is she? She did this to me!”
I heard a click and felt the familiar cold of a pistol barrel on my cheek.
“He said get out. You heard him. I really don’t want to get this SUV all covered in your brains and blood. It’s a rental. The fee would be horrible.”
I slowly moved towards the door and was thrown to the ground by the burly man.The two suits drove off as quickly as they arrived.
I decided to wait and see if Lucy showed up, though I didn’t know why. Part of me was hoping she might have more answers or at least a cure for this weird thing on my neck. I think I’m going to name him Henry II.
I ordered a cup of coffee and drank it down. The flavor wasn’t as strong as usual. It tasted bland for some reason so I ordered another. Same taste. I figured it was a nasty batch and finished in silence. As I sat there waiting, I felt a strange sensation creep down my spine and tingle through my skin, as though someone were watching me. Goosebumps formed like it was mid-december and it was definitely spring.

What I saw next is only something I can attempt to describe in this crappy journal to the best of my ability in case I die soon.

Standing across the street from the cafe was a hulking and brooding man in a long black trench coat and somewhat dirty suit. The alleyway covered most of what I could make out as I tried to see his face. There was a split in traffic and I squinted to try and see what had attracted my gaze so readily.
The man had no face except for two small piercing eyes buried under a layer of black smoke that rose up as ash towards the sky. The smoke surrounded his upper body and trailed up his arms, connecting with the obfuscating illusion on his face. Strange squirming tentacles made of the ash that surrounded him seemed to move with a life of their own. An eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach clenched at me as a bitter taste filled my mouth. If night had erased the moon and stars from existence and portrayed itself in a man, this would be the personification of such an apocalyptic evening.
My head hurt the longer I gazed at this darkened stranger. Dread and fear were becoming my new best friend but I couldn’t look away so I continued to investigate. An annoying large white delivery truck appeared and drove in front of my view. It blocked my curiosity from being sated and I sighed with relief as soon as the truck moved out of view. I scanned the alleyway but the ash man had disappeared as though he were never a part of the scenery. No trace as my vision darted around. I was frantic in my search but was startled when the waitress that served me coffee appeared with a look of concern on her face,
“You okay there, hon?”
“What? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Your nose is bleeding.”
<< Day 3 Day 5 >>

Monday, June 19, 2017

Awakened Heart


This heart is caressed with a clench of uncertainty
Air in my lungs as I breathe in the night, love pulls at me

I hear you inside of me, a heartbeat unknown
It matches my own and connects in dreams

Can you answer my questions, naked moon?
Rip apart my soul and show me what’s missing?

Uplifted with every sign and synchronicity
The trees whisper to me yet hide the truth from me

Teach me connectivity that was lost so long ago
In this maze of my heart, which twists and turns so eagerly

I try to find the beauty of love’s simplicity
Is it in these raindrops or in a fevered kiss?

Can one forget the experience that destroys all concept?
When it takes away the belief in what the mind conceives?

The greatest teacher has focused its gaze directly on me
It reveals the truth of who I am and what I could be

When I lost my way and tried to find the answer to life
It only pushed me further away from truth’s embrace

I scattered like ash, with holes in my mind and emotions
Staring in the mirror at this crumbling reflection

There was nothing left but to let the darkness cradle me
As the stars burned through me in every moment

Release these chains and set me free, oh sun!
Through heat and pain I am shown my faults

A shadow that questions my own design
Tears away my reality and strips away pride

No more running and only ghosts to confront
I dared to live when I only dared to die again

With the sight of love and the warmth it portrays
In sound, dreams, and everything around me

I accept the fate of who I am to be
Lost and yet somehow I am finding my way

While the sun and moon sing a song to me
That speak of ancient dreams and eternity

Love will always and forever be

The only key to what burns inside of me

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Diary of the Hapless Hero: Day 3

© KDB

New to The Diary of the Hapless Hero? Start here.
Day 3

What time is it? I don’t feel so hot. I’m burning up. My whole body is on fire and I think I’m going to throw up. Oh no.


Okay, now I’m worried. I just stumbled into the bathroom and vomited up blood. That’s not natural. It’s close to morning now, I can see the light of morning peeking through the window near the kitchen. I think I need more sleep. So tired...



Eat.   Devour.   Consume.


I must’ve fallen asleep at my desk. I feel a little bit better. The heatwave that passed through my body earlier seems to have passed. A visit to the doctor might be needed. When I went to the bathroom earlier I found some kind of strange growth on the back of my neck. It’s solid like a black stone and about the size of a dime. I tried to dig it out but the area around it was swollen and it hurt too much. What the hell did I write earlier? Was I so tired I didn’t notice? What the fuck?

Anyway, no time to dwell. I have to meet Lucy in an hour and it looks like my eyes can’t take the sun. Going to have to bring shades with me. The strange growth on my neck should easily be covered up by a collared shirt, it’s low enough on the neckline.

I haven’t heard anymore sounds inside the walls like before. Maybe the drugs she pumped into me have finished their trial run. I can tell her all about my amazing evaluation when I see her and ask her what the hell she was thinking. Wait. I hear something. What was that?

I...I don’t know what just happened. I’ve torn apart my apartment to try and kill it. Some kind of large hound-like black creature with crimson glowing eyes. Fuck fuck, man, what the hell was that thing? It appeared out of thin air, like it just came out of another dimension. It was hiding near my couch when I heard it growling real low. It was guttural, actually, it kind of sounded like Larry when he sleeps. He has a real snoring problem. But the smell, it was overpowering and the room temperature heated up real fucking fast. There was a thick smoke around it and after it chased me around my living room I started throwing whatever I could grab at it. I might have broken a few lamps.

The thing tackled me and I just had this instinct to wrap my hands around it’s neck and grip on. I broke it’s neck and it burst into ash on top of me. The ash soon dissipated as if it wasn’t ever there; leaving me to deal with a completely trashed apartment. It’s teeth were disgusting and large. If it decided to take a chunk out of me, I’d be dead within seconds.

Those eyes. They’re haunting me. I have to leave, I can’t stay here. What if something else appears? Screw this.

<< Day 2 Day 4 >>


Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Diary of the Hapless Hero: Day 2

© KDB

New to The Diary of the Hapless Hero? Start here.
Day 2

So Larry came to pick me up but was two hours late. He was probably busy with that broad from his apartment building that he won’t stop screwing when her husband is out of town. I told him if he didn’t stop he’d catch something nasty, or worse, his wife would find out.

I was kicked out of the hospital room after causing a scene. I spotted another one of those fucked up creatures hanging around on the ceiling. Don’t want to say for sure but I’m starting to think that whatever she injected me with is making me hallucinate. Could it be some kind of untraceable drug or something? Is that possible? Where did she come from? Why did she do this to me?

The least she could have done was give me something nice to remember her by before I die; like a kiss or a little cuddle. I mean, I’m not sure if I’m gonna die but it certainly feels like it. I’m friggin’ starving. Gonna call Larry.

I managed to get Larry to take me to the twenty-four hour grocery store. Man, not even two craptastic burgers and a bag of chips could keep me from feeling like I could eat a horse. I grabbed a six pack of beer to see if that would help me forget this horrible day but now I’ve finished them all. I don’t even feel fucking drunk. I just wanted to pass out but that seems impossible. I’m not tired in the slightest. To make matters worse, I feel bloated and not one bit nauseated. So much for that lightweight title I earned years ago.

I can hear the next door neighbour having an argument with someone; or is that her television on full blast? I can’t tell.

I banged on the wall a few times and it didn’t seem to help. I’m going over there to ask her to turn it down. My head is killing me.

Okay that was really strange. She answered the door and her television was on a really low volume but I heard it like it was in my head echoing. It was so loud that I shouted at her and she was confused.

“Will you please turn that down?! You must be annoying the whole complex!”
“What? It’s been at a low volume all night. Are you feeling okay? Why are you shouting?” She asked me.

She seemed convinced I was sick. I swear she had it blaring! What’s going on?

Everything is normal again. I can hear the cars outside but things seem to be calming down. My phone is ringing.

Lucy just called and I went ballistic on her. She kept asking me a bunch of questions about how I was feeling physically after the injection. I threatened her with a court case and a visit from the police. She said she wanted to meet me for coffee tomorrow to explain everything with the stipulation of no cops.

No way am I going to let this fly. Whatever she did to me she better have an explanation when I confront her. Maybe she can stop this headache.


Hold on, what’s that sound? I hear something. It’s inside the walls. It's a strange thumping and scratching sound. My head hurts. I need...to..lay..down..


<< Day 1 Day 3 >>

Friday, June 9, 2017

Stone Heart

You crack me open and close me up. Pluck open each wound and suture it crudely with masterful hands.

In this stone heart of mine, your words cut through and erase the carapace that’s grown around it and stunted me.

You take the parts of me that have become thick crags and beautifully corrode away the layers with your acidic words.

You look into me and know who I am without knowing who I am.

You drown me. My eyes try to find you in the waves and I see myself drowning in your eyes. You hold me down in the deep dark waters but make me face all the fear inside my ocean.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Tightrope


A raven sat perched on a tightrope above Baker Street. A wolf appeared and managed to climb up to the raven.

“Hey. I knew I’d find a raven here. How are you?” The wolf asked as he tried to settle on his position.
“Fine. I’m impressed that you made it up here. It was a haphazard attempt, but here you are. Do you like the view?” The raven looked around.
“It’s alright. I can see a lot from up here. I’m used to the forest dirt underneath my paws though. Kind of weird.”
The raven tilted its head and looked at the wolf curiously.
“How do you plan on keeping your balance?”
The wolf scrambled on cue but somehow managed to keep his footing. “I’m adaptable.”
His gaze turned to a tall pale white man wearing a gray hooded coat with the hood up, running shorts, and very nice running shoes.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Brain Transplant

Since last year, I’ve had to face some serious challenges due to avoidance, emotional problems, and self reflection issues. It’s invaded my thoughts on a daily basis. The truth of trying to understand who I’ve become, what I’ve done with my life, the things I’ve lost, things I’ve gained, acceptance of my faults, growth, people I’ve hurt, what companionship means to me, and who I am at my core are all coming to the surface.

Monday, June 5, 2017

The Nomad's Heart


Faces. So many of them blurring by me with a dizzying speed. They can come back to me in my dreams. I see them in my memories, recall them vividly since they all mean something to me. Stranger or friend. Lover or long gone ex. Like a hidden piece to this puzzle that forms the whole. It covers the sting. So many stories and beautiful words that fall from their lips. Each one a person with hopes, wants, and dreams. Each word caressing my ears and teaching me something new. Everyone is different and it’s so wonderful.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Strength of the Human Heart 6


Part 6 of my ongoing blog posts of my experience with ego death and rewriting of my personality traits which is still ongoing to this day. Please go here if you are just beginning. Warning 1: Not for the faint of heart or easily emotionally triggered individuals. Warning 2: I am not a psychologist or professional in the field of mental health. These are simply my human and soulful experiences, take from them whatever you want.

Holy Idealism

You took from me until I had nothing left to give to you. You stole from me. You ate my heart and watched until there was nothing left. You tortured me, You let them in my hiding place. You let them destroy my innocence. You let him destroy. You destroyed my father. You lied to my Grandma. You took away everything from me. You took my friendship and used me. You caressed my heart with your teeth and spat it out. You left me to be buried in the dust of betrayal. You split me in two and consumed my heart in glee. You watched me bleed for you in front of your eyes. You threw me to the wolves and didn’t care. You took my words and turned them cruel, twisted and burnt. You turned my world into ash and watched me eat it. You put me out into the cold and let me starve every day. You sold me to your God and told me to pray, sit up straight, be a good girl or you’ll go to hell. You let me have nightmares and wake up covered in sweat and never comforted. You held me tight then pushed me down.

Friday, June 2, 2017

One Waves Song



Moments of heat as the sunset drops rings of orange dreams in the sky
Dripping through the points of silence and suggesting rain on the horizon

The fog rolls and twirls through the hills and lands on the beak of the robin
Mossy stones with softness, it perches and sings the lullaby of time passing

Deep beneath the street, the weary eyed sleep in catacombs of regrowth
But the living dream as they rest through the ages of the moon and sun

Plot and device abound in the endless wonder of a person's life etchings
As words and hope will always give fear the potent medicine of kindness